Learning to Manage Disagreement in Relationships: Part IV
The fourth of the “four horsemen” (Gottman uses the term “belligerence” to refer to a more severe form of scorn. The four horsemen’s cousin is another name for aggression. Gottman discovered that “contempt in a relationship” was a strong predictor of divorce in 86 percent of cases, making him believe that it was the most harmful of the four horsemen. Any behavior that makes your partner feel “cast down” is considered “contempt.” Contemptuous communication might have negative consequences. Being disrespectful to people and making fun of them with sarcasm and condescending language are both examples of contempt. Similar rules apply to calling someone a name, copying them, and utilizing sneering or rolling your eyes as body language. Because it conveys superiority and disgust, contempt in any form, especially moral, ethical, or characterological scorn, is bad for relationships. Examples include minimizing your partner, treating them with contempt, rolling your eyes, sneering, insults, calling names, making fun of them, and being cynical.
Contempt can be as simple as having disdain or disgust with your partner in how they chew gum, eat, drive, or snore at night. Warning signs of “contempt” include: You no longer feel admiration for your partner. It is difficult for you to remember your partner’s positive aspects. You feel that your partner has severe personality deficiencies. Antidotes for contempt include: Focus on your partner’s positive qualities. Use “time-out” when you recognize that the situation is becoming heated. Watch your tone and facial expressions. Focus on the behavior and not the person. Most importantly, gain an appreciation of where your partner is coming from. Often when we are able to put our partner’s behavior in context, we have a greater appreciation of the cause or causes of their behavior and as a result, better see that their behavior is about them rather than about us.Taking a premarital education course is vital for equipped couples to share a lifetime of marital bliss and happiness. D’Arienzo Psychology wants to help you prepare for your life together. Dr. Justin D’Arienzo is our Board-Certified Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Expert. Dr. D’Arienzo has serviced this course to couples since 2013. Hundreds of couples recommend our course and claim that it has helped set a solid foundation for marital success. Research suggests that couples who take a premarital preparation course gain an advantage over couples that do not take a premarital preparation course. Dr. D’Arienzo wanted to develop a fully efficient, online, fully automated, fun premarital course that teaches couples how to work together. Dr. D’Arienzo has perfected all of our exercises and information to ensure that couples gain the knowledge they need. He also offers this course to couples planning on tying the knot in Florida, Georgia, Texas, Tennessee, South Carolina, Oklahoma, and Minnesota. Do you want to lead a happy marriage that lasts a lifetime? Do you want to have fun and gain inside knowledge about marriage from a leading psychologist? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then our Georgia Online Premarital Education Course is right for you! You can learn more about our Georgia Online Premarital Preparation Course Here.
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